Creating A Nation United

Yesterday, on March 15, 2017, I had the most interesting conversation online that I have had so far. The conversation can be found in full at the bottom of this post, but before I get there I want to talk a little bit about the process and why I think it matters. Initially, I toyed with the idea of calling this post “How to Win in a Game Without Winners,” but that was when I was only half way through the conversation and had already experienced an emotional spectrum usually associated with competitive sports. The truth is that there is more to life than winning and losing; there is learning.

It began as most of my conversations do; by scrolling through my Facebook feed and looking at the multitude of potential strangers, “friends”, and friends to engage. I paused at a post that someone who I had friended early on in this process had shared (a friend of a previous co-worker and someone whom I have never met). It was a video from The Father’s Rights Movement in which Anne Hathaway was giving a speech to the UN about maternity leave in the American job market (https://www.facebook.com/Fathers4kids/videos/1464599476903873/?hc_ref=NEWSFEED). The video is only about 3 minutes long so I recommend watching it, but if you are reading this and pressed for time, the general takeaway was that in order for women to be considered equal in the workplace, we must first “redefine [and] de-stigmatize men’s roles as caregivers”.

The comment that she posted along with the video expressed a sense of exasperation about “the Republican congressmen who don’t understand why their health insurance should cover pre-natal care.” The first comment in what became a much longer conversation asked her, “Why should my health insurance cover pre-natal care?” This conversation is public so I’m going to use his real name. Bill is a white male, retired, and in his 60’s. He lives in North Carolina and is from South Carolina. He identifies as a Catholic and associates with the Conservative Party (all of this information can be gleaned simply from reading his public profile page on Facebook.

The woman who originally posted the video had already responded twice to this question before I entered into the conversation. Apparently, at some point, Bill had been told by “ACA reps” that the “main reason” his premium had more than doubled was because every plan had to cover “things that many people do not need.” Let’s be clear. What Bill is referring to is the same “Preventive Services” that were previously provided at no additional cost, that the Republican Party currently wants to remove from the ACA (see H.R. 1275: World’s Greatest Healthcare Plan Act of 2017).

The logic Bill was employing falls under the, “If it doesn’t apply to me, why should I care (pay).” By definition, this line of thinking (although not falling outside of my capacity for imagination) fundamentally goes against what I believe is important from a perspective of social consciousness. I don’t have children. I would like children, but for the sake of argument, let’s say that I decide never to have children. I would not use Bill’s argument, even though it would technically apply to me, because it is a different line of thought from my own. Due to both nature and nurture, this line of thought is not my go to; it is not what Jiminy Cricket whispers in my ear. As the conversation continued to unravel, I (by ‘I’ I mean that Bill pointed it out to me) realized that I do not make the previous statement without judgement. At first, I was arrogant enough to think that I was, but it’s not true. Deep down, I think Bill’s logic is part of the problem with society; which essentially means that I think I know better than Bill. I think that people who take care of others are more beneficial to society. This is my perspective. Despite some of his questionable behavior, Bill made me realize that my understanding, while different, is not necessarily better.

It’s possible that Bill picked up on my (at the time) unconscious condescending attitude before he said anything but I also think there was enough genuine curiosity in my replies to balance out my biased perspective, but maybe not. He was the first to go negative. He called me ridiculous, irrational, delusional, unintelligent, and referred to me as “young lady”.

I have to admit that this is the first time that someone has gone negative where I took it personally. I thought about how to respond for hours; which in Facebook time is basically analogous to days, maybe months depending on who is talking.

So, I went to his page and started scrolling through things he had posted that related specifically to politics. It didn’t take long to come across a meme that, by definition, provided a minimal amount of information, simultaneously skewing the information enough to make it completely inaccurate. Essentially, I was trolling him. But, it wasn’t fueled by the same sense of positivity that I usually employ in Positive Political Trolling. My response to the meme was factual and neutral in nature but underlying my comment, was a level of negativity and a level of defensiveness. This time, Bill picked up on my judgement and called me out on it.

I am grateful for this conversation because it offered me a different perspective even if part of me feels like it slapped me in the face. In my perception, Bill’s line of thought turned into a circle and he was unable to bring the conversation beyond where it started. That is my understanding and it does carry some judgement with it. However, I do think our final words to one another are particularly poignant though. I said, “It was nice meeting you.” He said, “Judging me will not make you a better person.”

 

The Conversation:

And then, of course, are the Republican congressmen who don’t understand why their health insurance should cover pre-natal care….

BILL: Tell me, why should my health insurance cover pre-natal care?

XXX If your parents have not yet explained the birds and the bees to you, tell them it is now the time.

BILL: Don’t give up your current income. You would starve as a comedian. lol. Why does a 60+ year old man need pre-natal care? You might want to buff up on your birds and bees.

BILL: Prenatal care is a type of preventive healthcare with the goal of providing regular check-ups that allow doctors or midwives to treat and prevent potential health problems throughout the course of the pregnancy while promoting healthy lifestyles that benefit both mother and child.

BILL: Again, why do I need pre-natal care insurance?

XXX For the same reason I underwrite the health care of smokers.

BILL: You are not answering my question. I could never be pregnant. So, Why should I have to pay for coverage for being pregnant?

Meg Phillips Hi Bill. I do not know you but I came across your comments and found them interesting. Part of the reason why I thought they were interesting is because I’m not sure where your question comes from. Do you pay for pre-natal care in your health insurance? I guess I’m a little confused as to why you would pay for pre-natal care. Do you mean in terms of taxes? Can you clarify your question? I look forward to hearing your thoughts! Thanks. #CreatingaNationUnited #CanU

BILL: It is a requirement of ACA. Every plan must include coverage for things that many people do not need. It is, I was told, by ACA reps, the main reason our premiums weren’t from $765/mo to $1,885/mo.

Meg Phillips Hi Bill. Thanks for your reply. I don’t think anyone would disagree with you that the ACA needs some serious overhaul. I am a teacher who lives in Massachusetts, so I have not really been impacted by the ACA the same way many Americans have. However, like most people, I know some how have been impacted positively and some who now are having to pay an obscene amount for healthcare. I’m not sure where that connected was made or who you spoke with but on healthcare.gov they breakdown the list of preventative healthcare requirements that insurance plans must offer. Are you saying that you were told by a representative or the government that your premiums were increased because of “prenatal care”?

Get 2017 health coverage. Health Insurance Marketplace

HEALTHCARE.GOV

BILL: It is a requirement of ACA. Every plan must include coverage for things that many people do not need. It is, I was told, by ACA reps, the main reason our premiums weren’t from $765/mo to $1,885/mo.

BILL: Prenatal care and other mandatory coverages required under ACA that were not previously required.

BILL: And not just me, my wife was also required to have these unnecessary coverages.

Meg Phillips So then I guess the reason why you should pay is because regardless of whether or not you have kids or regardless of your age, you and everyone on this planet was born into this world by a woman. Prenatal care insures that women are able to have healthy pregnancies which means healthy children. I still have hope for the future and I place that hope in children.

BILL: That is so ridiculous that there is no sense in responding. I figured you would end up here.

Meg Phillips I’m sorry you find it “so ridiculous”. Could you put your thoughts in more constructive terms?

Meg Phillips I guess maybe you could explain why you think that women should not have pre-natal care?

BILL: Young lady, your little game does not work on me. I responded to your questions until they became silly. I never said women should not have pre-natal care. You are irrational. and delusional.

Meg Phillips Why would you embody a condescending and insulting tone? As I said I do not know you and am working to engage you in conversation. I have said nothing insulting or derogatory about you or your opinions. If you feel slighted I apologize as that was not my intention. Can you clarify what you are trying to say if I misinterpreted it?

BILL: Meg Phillips When you have an intelligent idea, let me know. The idea that I should support you because you are a woman is not intelligent. Have a nice day.

Meg Phillips Actually Bill you don’t support me. You know nothing about me. I’m sorry you cannot recognize genuineness and are unable to respond with kindness to a stranger. I hope you have a nice day as well. Take care. #CreatingaNationUnited #CanU

And then, I started trolling…..

BILL: shared Patriotic Folks‘s photo.

3 hrs ·

 

Patriotic FolksLike Page

6 hrs ·

Liberals are having big regrets right now.

XXX Do we really care?? These guys know how to get around everything. What does this chart really show?? Nothing, so why then should we care. Lets worry about what’s important, Our families!!

Meg Phillips Hi. Sadly, like most memes, this chart is misleading in its presentation of information. If you have paid taxes your whole life, as I have, you probably know that what you pay in taxes is based on your Annual Gross Income. Here is what this meme leaves out… ……….In 2014, Bernie Sanders earned $205,000 and paid $28,000 to the federal government in taxes (13.65%). ……….In 2011, Mitt Romney made 13.7 million and paid 1.94 million in federal taxes (14.1%). ……….In 2015, President Obama made 394,454 and paid $81,472 in federal taxes (18.7%). ………..In 1998, President Bush made $18,405,524 and paid $3,772,252 in federal taxes (20.5%). ………..In 2003, John Kerry made $395,000 and paid $90,575 in federal taxes (22.9%) ………..Sadly, we won’t know for sure what President Trump paid in taxes because he won’t release them. Although I agree with you that there are more important things to focus on right now; it would be nice if President Trump would follow through with his campaign promise to release his tax returns. #CanU #CreatingaNationUnited

BILL: ha ha ha, you’re at it again.

Meg Phillips At “it”?

BILL: Yes you are very entertaining. I really enjoy reading your comments.

Meg Phillips Tone can be so hard to pick up via writing sometimes; especially when your last comments were insulting, disparaging, and slightly embarrassing (your poor nieces). But glad to make you smile.

BILL: My poor nieces? Who pray tell are you talking about now?

Meg Phillips You said you have two nieces.

Meg Phillips On your profile page. You said you have two nieces.

BILL: I did? Where exactly does it say that, if you don’t mind sharing?

Meg Phillips If you go to your page by clicking on your name => About => Family and Relationships.

BILL: So, now you are a fb detective? ha ha ha

BILL: I think you might be looking at the wrong page. ha ha ha

XXX: She’s stalking you, Bill.

Meg Phillips Stalk: (verb) to pursue or approach stealthily. No one’s ever accused me of being stealthy. I thought it was pretty straightforward.

BILL: I have a very loving family. 4 children and 12 grand children. All very successful. I hope your family is well.

Meg Phillips I would not presume or assume anything about you outside of the words you have written.

BILL: “your poor nieces”? not judgmental? Ha ha ha. You are still entertaining.

Meg Phillips That was a judgment based on your insulting words to me. You treated a complete stranger with disrespect for no reason other than (maybe) a difference of opinion. So I guess it was based on both actions and words. I think it is sad to have adults set examples through their behavior that is damaging society.

BILL: Gosh, I am very sorry that you feel the need to be so judgmental and set such an example that does so much damage to society. I will pray for you to find a more non judgmental way to communicate.

Meg Phillips Sure, I judge those who insult but I also try to engage with them in a meaningful and peaceful way. I will continue to work toward not condoning or condemning people. As a human being, I am fallible and bound to slip up spmetimes. I accept your apology for calling me irrational, delusional, silly, ridiculous, and unintelligent. Thank you for pointing out that I judged your behavior as negatively effecting your family and society as a whole. #CreatingaNationUnited#CanU

BILL: I was judging your comments, not you. I thought you would comprehend that. I am sorry that you did not understand my comments.

BILL: I evidently did not express myself very well. My apologies.

Meg Phillips If you are serious (as I said earlier, tone can be difficult to tell via writing and given the progression of this exchange), consider going back and reading our previous conversation on XXX’s video post. #CanU

BILL: I prefer to live in the present and the future than in the past. It is up to you.

Meg Phillips But the past informs the present and the future. How can you understand the latter two if you do not understand the former?

BILL: Not hard to do. I know people that have greatly offended me in the past. I do not hold grudges. Ask anyone that knows me. I forgive you for your past transgressions.😊😊

Meg Phillips Forgiveness is great but personally, I don’t think it can be blind. Learning is informed by the past; I like to learn. Everyone is different.

BILL: My goal is to learn something every day. I believe that “A day without learning, is a day wasted” .

Meg Phillips Then, today, learn something from the past and read your previous posts. Learn about tone and word choice and how to talk to a stranger in a polite way. Don’t waste the day.

Meg Phillips Here. I’ll help you. You wrote “You are irrational. and delusional.” I hope you learned something today. It was nice meeting you Bill.

BILL: I hope you will concentrate on yourself and look inward. Judging me will not make you a better person.